Following

Wait. Wait some more.

Being a good Follow is really a Cat & Dog story.

Think of the cat that sits by the door, whining to get out. You have things to do, so try to ignore her. The longer you ignore, the more she looks at you and lets you know her opinion: "Are you an idiot? Clearly, I want to go out. Why aren’t you dealing with it?" You finally get up and go open the door to let the cat out, whereupon the cat stands up, takes two steps into the doorway, looks up at you, and asks: “What? You are making me go out in the cold where the wild creatures are going to eat me? Do you really hate me that much? Well, I guess if you want to get rid of me."

Now think of a puppy, whose greatest goal in life it to go outside, but who knows the only way out is to get on the leash, which just happens to live in the entertainment center. If you so much as glance at the entertainment center, or go within 10 feet of it, that is the definite sign that you are getting the leash for a walk, and the puppy goes nuts, racing around the house and jumping up and down.

Here is the deal: 90% of the time, women learn dance steps and patterns faster than men. I’m not sure why. It is just the way it is. That has a definite result:

The natural tendency is for women is to back-lead the patterns, and the men to let them. Once a male Lead starts the pattern, he tends to stumble through it, but the female Follow knows where it is going and takes over... "Put the leash on and let’s get out the door!"

Ooops!

Don’t be that puppy, ladies. It is easier for your Lead, but not better. There are several big problems with the Follow hi-jacking the pattern:

* Your Lead is never going to learn to Lead it

* You’ve hi-jacked the ability of the Lead to play with the million variations possible in any basic. Well, except the Lindy basic... TWO million variations.

With a good Lead, you never know where he is going to Lead a phrase. Hopefully he is going to take it somewhere you’ve never been before. He may well "break" the basic at any point and take everything in an entirely new direction, if he hears something in the music (or in how you are reacting to it).

I have a question for you Follows: Do you think the Lead knows where he is going when he starts a phrase?

I can’t speak for others, but I sure as heck don’t! I rarely have "thought" more than a couple beats and a step or two ahead. Every measure is a new story and a new adventure!

Don’t hi-jack!

Most important, the more you wait, note by note, for the actual lead, the more you:

Give your Lead the power and permission to lead EVERY note, if he wants

Give your Lead the power and permission to lead NOTHING, if he wants

When you help "train" your Lead to lead every moment in the dance, you have given him the most precious gift in dance. The ability to NOT Lead anything, giving you infinite ability do the styling’ that you do so well. Your dance magic will blossom, when you quit hi-jacking, and let your (now great) Lead frame your space to shine.

Remember that fool cat?

BE the CAT!

How long should you wait?

Forever.

Until your Lead is wondering: "Is she EVER going to follow this lead?"

When I have a Follow who is breaking out to a new level of Connection, she often is worried about "waiting too long". Usually, she is waiting about 10% as long as she could be / should be. She is nervous again at 20%. And 30%.

Finally a Follow bridge is crossed:

"Oh, I’m not going anywhere until the Lead is 100% clearly leading me somewhere super specific. Until then, it’s ‘play time’."

Really.. wait FOREVER. The longer you wait, the better it is going to get for both you and your Lead.

Think Cat:

"Really? Really!? You want me to go THAT way? Are you absolutely, positively sure you want me to go THAT way?"

Ask the questions, EVERY TIME!

PS - Do you think that is, like, UGLY traditional sex roles? Offensive? Awful? Well, read on and find out how you can Lead, too (and suffer all the agonies of Dance Leadership, too!).